It is important to reward her trust in you with a caring response. Realize
that you may be the first person she has ever told about the abuse and
that it was a difficult decision to do so.
"A woman may hear for the first time from you that woman abuse
is unjust and that she has done nothing to deserve it. Every action that
we take as individuals is part of the solution towards ending violence
against women."
Women's Mental Health & Addictions, Action &
Research Coalition, London ON
Be honest with yourself — do I have the skills I need at this time
to be effective? Can I remain non-judgmental and meet my client "where
she's at"?
In responding to disclosures of ongoing woman abuse experienced by a pregnant
woman in your care, it is important to offer the following:
- Empathetic understanding
- Choices and referrals
- Safety planning if necessary
... and to impart 3 important messages:
- It's not her fault — people who use abusive tactics are solely
responsible for their abusive behaviour.
- She is not alone — this happens to many women.
- There is help available — offer to refer her to a local shelter,
counsellor or crisis-line.
Guiding Principles
- Client safety is a priority. Therefore, do not provide information
in a way that may be unsafe (such as pamphlets, which could be found by
her abusive partner if she were to bring them home).
- Respect her choices — she has very good reasons for staying in
the relationship and is the best person to understand her level of risk,
even though, as a support for her, this can be difficult for you to accept.
- Don't blame, threaten, or judge her — she needs you to continue
caring for her even though you may be frustrated, "fed-up,"
fearful or confused by her behaviour and choices.
- Believe her and try not to minimize or rationalize her partner's behaviour
— abuse is abuse.
- Provide choices for change or options, not interventions.
"Her immediate safety is the most important concern. Ask her what
she needs to be safe. If she feels she is in immediate danger, offer to
call the police or the nearest women's shelter. If she prefers, give her
the shelter's telephone number so she can call (anonymously if she wishes
to) for support"
—National Clearinghouse on Family Violence
As professionals supporting women who are experiencing on-going abuse
in their pregnancy there is an inherent responsibility to empower the woman
to make her own decisions where possible. This may include having appointments
that are solely for the woman, and offering her support as a safe person
during this time. You can also offer her referrals from a supportive agency
in a manner that is safe for her to receive.
When a woman stays in or returns to an abusive relationship... it does
not mean that she accepts the abuse or that "it can't be that bad."
Ask yourself... why is her abusive partner making the choice to continue
abusing her and exposing their children to the impacts of abuse?
- top-
"Femicide is an important, but often unreported, cause of maternal
mortality."
Abuse During Pregnancy and
Femicide: Urgent Implications for Women's Health
— Judith McFarlane, DrPH, Jacquelyn C. Campbell, PhD, Phyllis Sharps,
PhD and Kathy Watson, MS
If you are working with a woman who is planning on leaving an abusive
partner, you may wish to assist her in developing a safety plan. Safety
plans are useful in case a woman needs to leave her abusive partner in an
emergency or with little notice, yet ensures she has copies of important
documents, medicine and comfort items she needs to bring for herself and
her children.
Some of the topics to cover when safety planning include the following:
What to pack and where to store it
Women are encouraged to pack copies of all important documents, such as
mortgages, passports, birth certificates and custody papers. They should
also have a list of prescription medications they or their children are
taking. In a duffle bag or small suitcase, encourage her to keep a set of
clothing for her family and comfort items (stuffed toy, photos, favourite
blanket, book). Remind her to consider what items she would absolutely need
if she were to leave her home and never return. These items must be portable
and able to store in the trunk of her car, workplace, garage or a friend's
house. If possible she may want to set aside money that her partner is not
aware of, to assist her in leaving.
For a printable safety checklist please refer to: www.shelternet.ca.
Where to go
Has she made a plan as to where she can go? Often abusers will harass
family and friends to tell them where she has gone and therefore seeking
space in a shelter is often the safest option for a woman and her child(ren).
How is she planning on getting away?
Does she have a car, bus tickets or money for a taxi? Most women's shelters
have a policy that they will provide transportation to shelter at no cost
for a woman seeking safety from abuse. She may wish to call ahead to the
shelter she will be going to in order to familiarize herself with their
transportation policy. You, too, may wish to familiarize yourself with their
policy so that you can offer this information to any of your clients who
need it and avoid them having to take that extra step of research while
they are feeling overwhelmed.
How to keep pets safe
Leaving a pet behind seems unimaginable to many women, so a very important
component of safety planning with which you can assist her, is problem solving
around alternative care for her pet should she leave her partner. Some women
find it impossible to leave their pet because their partners have threatened
to harm or kill their pet if they leave.
When is the safest time for her to leave?
Is there a time of day when it would be easier for her to leave than at
other times? Does her partner do anything on a predictable basis, such as
work outside the home, visit friends, play sports or volunteer? These windows
of time may prove to be the safest time for her to leave to avoid the potential
of a dangerous confrontation.
If she has previously attempted to leave, help her to reflect on what
happened.
What made it difficult for her to remain away from her abusive partner?
Did things worsen for her when she returned? She may have faced barriers
in accessing housing, a secure income and childcare, or become fearful that
her abuser would "hunt her down." Helping her to address past
experiences of leaving may give you some insight as to how you can best
support her now. Remember that leaving an abusive partner often takes practice.
Women tend to return many times to their abusive partners before they are
able to have enough services and support to move on.
If she tries to leave, what does she think could happen?
Again, help her to get a realistic sense of what her safety needs are.
It can be difficult for women to imagine that their partners would seriously
harm or kill them, even if they have threatened to do so in the past. Women's
own denial and minimization of their abuse can be difficult to understand
but derives from the tactics of abuse that they have been subjected to.
However, if you express concerns for her safety in an honest and non-threatening
way, you may be able to break down some of the denial and assist her in
looking at what services or supports she may need to get in place before,
during or after her leaving. For instance, a no-contact order or emergency
interim custody of the children.
If you do not feel skilled enough or have enough time to safety plan with
a woman, please refer her to the nearest women's shelter so that a counselor
may assist her in developing her safety plan.
Remember that if her situation is high risk, you may want to encourage
her to seek safety at a shelter first and then get assistance from shelter
workers to get needed property out of her house after she has settled in.
The most important thing is that she and her children are safe and away
from their abuser.
- Screening for Abuse: page
1 - (you are on page 2) - page 3
- top-
